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A quick post on my progress accomplishing my goals.
First, the bad news: if I evaluate my progress based on my previously defined milestones, I’ve massively failed. At least, for my top goals (get a job, write, love my body) I have not gotten a job, I’m not writing as much as I targeted and I have not trained as I should for this weekend’s 10K. Big time fail.
But! On the “softer” goals I’ve made progress. I’ve used my running time to connect with Husband. We’ve gone on a number of trips and activities as a family. I’ve connected and reconnected with many friends, which is so gratifying.
I’m wondering if it’s time to re-tool. Part of my problem on the job front is internal conflict. I know how to get a job as a bank lawyer or compliance person or as a consultant. I know how to craft a resume that will get me the right job interviews. I know how to network and I’m pretty good in an interview. But my stubborn, ornery self keeps asking and asking “Is this what you ARE?” “Will this be your LEGACY?” And until I can answer the question definitively one way or the other, I hold back a bit on letter writing, networking and interviewing. I wait to ‘share’ myself and expose myself. As I get older, I become worse and worse at dissembling and acting enthusiastic and energetic about things about which I’m ambivalent.
On the plus side, I’ve been volunteering like it’s going out of style, which has taught me: elementary school kids are unpredictable and have the power to terrify me (even when they’re offering hugs), elementary school teachers are like Jedi Masters (more on that later), and calling up places you love to offer free help is a great way to test a potential new field/interest. In that vein, I’m volunteering for the local public radio/tv station, a real gem in our community, doing stuff I’ve never been paid for. We’ll see what happens.
On the writing front, I’m not writing as much as I planned, and it’s partly because life has gotten a bit crazy on the home front. And the body love thing is an ongoing process.
So, I think it’s time to re-tool, both my goals and my mindset. I’ve allowed being a stay at home mom to become a full-time job. This wouldn’t be a problem if (a) I were any good at it and (b) Husband made enough money to cover all our expenses. But, unlike many of my neighbors and friends, I’m TERRIBLE as a SAHM. I mean, the dust dinosaurs threaten to consume us when the piles of everything else don’t, and the food, while generally made from scratch and maybe at least average and sometimes above average in taste, takes a LONG time to prepare – which sometimes means dinner at 8 (just before bed). Eek. Also, being a terrible SAHM wouldn’t be a show stopper either, if I loved it and felt it was ME. After all, repetition begets skill. But I’m not getting the same level of fulfillment as a SAHM as I used to get from my work at the Big Company. So, at least we’ve learned something.
I do feel like I’ve learned quite a bit about myself and my goals this quarter. I don’t think re-tooling one’s annual goals 3 months into the year in and of itself is a FAIL, so long as you do it purposefully and with the aim of having a fantastic year end.
What do you all think? Massive FAIL? Time to get over myself? Something else? Anyone else struggling a bit with their goals for the year? (I’d love to commiserate!)