DAY 1

Posted on October 2, 2009

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I found a guided journal by Ilene Segalove that I plan to use to get things started.  Very touchy feely, which is just what I was looking for!  There are activities and journaling prompts for all 40 days, with the first 10 days focused on preparation, opening up to possibilities.  I do believe that journals possess magical properties, that they can help you lose weight, become a better athlete, learn about yourself, but I have never seriously used them before.  We’ll see if they live up to the billing.

Day 1’s journal prompts ask you to examine both your fears and your positive feelings about your 40 day effort.  Being a type-A goal-oriented type – and also a bit neurotic, I quickly came up with a page-full of fears and worst case scenarios, everything from the fear of failing because I don’t actually HAVE a calling, to the fear of ignoring a stack of “should do’s” while I pursue this narcissistic folly, to being embarrassed to tell my friends and family about it (well, maybe not that embarrassed) and finally, being so focused on the process that I “miss” the signs pointing to the Answer when they appear.

A funny thing happened when I finished my fears list.  Even though my list verged on the absurd, even though I identified a multitude of failure points and no solutions, when I finished, I felt relieved, easy, relaxed.  It was as though a tightness in my chest that I had not even recognized was there slowly dissolved.  What on earth?  Is this some of that “journaling magic”?

The positives were a bit harder – and they came out a bit less poignant and vivid.  “Doing God’s work”???  “developing more focus and drive”???  The best one – becoming more like my grandmother – was still a bit vague and fluffy.  Must do a better job articulating the pay-off, or the ol’ motivation is going to take a dive sometime around week 3.

More to come.

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